It’s been a while since I have written; a whole month. It’s been a rough month for sure. I have been wanting to write a new post for days now, but I didn’t know what to say, or how to explain everything so I kept putting it off. I guess I knew writing all of this makes it all real and final. Everything has been so trippy lately (quite literally.) It’s all sort of still a blur, but I am trying to piece it together, so bare with me if this post is all over the place.
November 15th, my neighbor called 9-1-1 because she heard me screaming for help. I had fallen out of my wheelchair, and was down on the floor for days, only God knows how long. I was in and out of consciousness. Doctor said my blood pressure dropped too low, mixed with a bad UTI (which I recently learned can make you black out) and recent diet change. All of these things together are not a good combination.
While all of this was happening my sweet Dookie died. I was told he died from heart failure. I think he wanted to help me but there was nothing he could do and that broke his little heart.
My heart is hurting much lately. Being in this apartment without him…just feels so empty.
Dookie was so silly and unique. He had so much personality.
A few years ago, I moved back in with my mom for a while, while I was staying with her I prayed and asked for a black dog with paws that were brown like coffee with a little bit of cream in it; and that my dog would always look like a puppy. Dookie was malnourished most of his life (If you are confused read the post that I linked to his name above.) I think that stunted his growth, making him look like a puppy.
I asked God to give him to me whenever I had a house, because I knew having a dog in an apartment would be hard on me…it didn’t work out that way though; the thing is I am working really hard on my credit score right now so I can get a house, because I knew Dookie deserved a yard to play in, and I wanted to get us away from this apartment with carpet…pets and carpet don’t mix well if you know what I mean. It seemed like everything was falling into place, but now it’s falling apart. All in God’s timing though, not mine. I have to remember that, I am not the one in control of everything.
He was like a son to me, so I’m taking this really hard. I took him in to give him a better life and at the end, his life ended up going full circle…I wasn’t there to feed him or care for him the way I should have been and I feel so terrible about it.
Remember the neighbor I was talking about at the beginning of this post? Well, weeks ago I prayed that the right people would be there for me right when I needed them. Makes sense that she heard me scream now that I think about it.
Yesterday was Thanksgiving and my family hasn’t celebrated yet… because of busy work schedules and Covid. It was weird seeing everyone else celebrate and I couldn’t yet… but my neighbor ended up texting me and bringing me a dinner plate. Isn’t that the sweetest? I love it! Even in my mess right now good things are happening.
I hope all of you had a great Thanksgiving…
-laurenmikael
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