If you have been reading my blog lately, you know that I have been working on self love and finding out who I really am through shadow work. When you do this, like I said in that post you realize all of your “flaws” and gain a deeper understanding of yourself, and even why the people around you are the way they are…you basically feel full of wisdom like you are Yoda or something. As a Christian this led me to Spiritual Warfare.
I know some of you might not understand this if you don’t have faith. I will probably sound totally bat s*** crazy to you. That doesn’t matter though. I’m not trying to be liked, I’m just telling my truth. Plus, I spent a week on the Schizophrenic floor of Bridgeway (Rehab center) because of severe sleep deprivation a few years ago, the other patients there exposed me to some really trippy stuff. No judgement against those people whatsoever. I’m just saying, I’ve literally been in the room with what has been classified as crazy and…I’m not it. Anyway that is a whole other topic, we’ll get to later.
My Grandpa was a warrior for God, to be honest it was almost annoying…God was all he would ever talk about. Literally, you could say something simple at dinner, such as “Hey Papa, pass the ketchup.” and while he was handing it to you he would start telling you about the time he ran out of ketchup and the Lord provided him with a new bottle. This is just an example, but you get the point. As much as I loved my Grandpa, it made me dread talking to him, he was a preacher and I was a little girl in a wheelchair so naturally he wanted me to get to know God so that I would be healed. He was just trying to do what was best for me; I realize that now, but at the time I didn’t want to hear any of it…always wondering why he couldn’t just except me for who I was.
I was a very shy soft-spoken child; he was an old man hard of hearing; so when I would gather the courage to tell him to stop preaching at me he never heard me anyway. He could preach for hours…just wanting to be polite I would sit and listen. I should have spoken louder, or just rolled myself into another room, but I didn’t want to be rude. He was just trying to help like I mentioned earlier, but his plan backfired. Just like when I tried explaining to Boyfriend 2 about positive thinking, but he wasn’t ready yet. You can tell people something all you want, but they won’t actually hear you until they are ready.
As I grew up, I distanced myself from God, simply because I had heard enough. Yeah, I would pray when I needed something, but I wasn’t living the life of a believer. When asked if I was a Christian I said yes, but it didn’t really shine through me. I was very negative minded and depressed. I was always blaming other people and complaining. You reap what you sow. I was living for me and I was full of hatred and fear whether other people could see it or not. I would put on a fake happy face and hate my life in private. Not long ago, I looked in the mirror and decided to make a change, I didn’t like what I had become. My Mama giving me that gratitude journal really put everything into perspective, as the weeks went by I was becoming genuinely happy. I started praising and making time for God more often.
When you start to grow in your faith with God, strange, but good things start to happen.
One of the things was that Dookie started having a really bad seizure, worse than he ever had before; at the end of it he stumbled over to my big electric wheelchair and got beneath it looking for protection from me, but he wedged himself underneath it in a way that his head got stuck and I couldn’t do anything to help, if I would have moved the chair in any way it would have killed him. I started crying and screamed out for God to help, as soon as I did Dookie become unstuck. Thank God! I’m not ready to let go of my sweet boy anytime soon.
Mama always told me that having sugar skulls and things of that nature in your home would get into your spirit. (It’s the same with negative minded people) but, I never really believed it…I just thought that was all in her head. Until I threw all of my clothes and other stuff with skulls on it into the trash. A few nights ago I was in bed, I had been asleep, but I woke up feeling an evil presence hovering over me like it was trying to overtake me. Groggy and still sleepy, I said “NO! I want God!” There were flashes of bright light and the evil presence was gone. I felt at peace.
…and no, it wasn’t sleep paralysis, I have had that before; this was not the same, although, that is probably another type of spiritual warfare.
A few nights before this happened I had watched an Anthony Greve sermon, looking back at it now that was God’s way of warning me. (Anthony is a former member of Pop Evil, but he left the band to become a Evangelist.) It’s neat how God works, because Tony was my favorite member of Pop Evil; we were purple hair twins, and when I used to go see them play live he was the one I always talked to the most. God had a plan before either one of us knew it..so cool! Check out the sermon, It’s about a similar situation involving spiritual warfare. See, demons don’t want you to get closer to God…so when they notice that you are doing exactly that they try to come and take you back.
…but I’m not going back.
After this I started having very vivid Prophetic dreams. In one of them I heard God say “Tell them my name” which is why I am writing this post tonight. In most, if not all of my manifestation and/or positive thinking posts it says Universe or whatever you believe in, but they didn’t say God. I was giving the glory to positive thinking and not to him…so from now on it will be God!
Featured picture is one I took of Tony in October 2011.
Have you ever experienced Spiritual Warfare?
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