I’m Positive I Have to Let You Go

Have you ever had a dream that you just can’t shake…hours or even days later, it still haunts you?

Let’s back up a little. Remember Boyfriend 2? If not, you should read this and this so that this post…the post you are currently reading makes more sense.

I’ll wait…

Okay. We good to go? You read them, so you’re all caught up now.

Sweet!

Now back to the dream. (I had this dream around three weeks into January 2020.)

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-Dream-

Boyfriend 2 and I were back together, super happy…even happier than we were when we had originally been dating. He goes to a family dinner with me. (This is something that has never happened for me in real life yet, and something I have always wanted, by the way.)

I was so happy to finally have someone to bring to family dinner. Everything was going great. My family loved him; we were all having a great time.

Out of nowhere he gets mad, breaks up with me right in front of my whole family and leaves.

His reason for our breakup? He claimed my family was crazy.

-End of dream-

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I woke up so sad. Tears rolled down my face. This was one of those dreams that felt real…felt like reality, you know the kind I’m referring to, I bet you’ve had them before.

Four or five days go by and I still can’t shake the sadness of this dream.

So, I write on my affirmation list that Boyfriend 2 and I are friends. I want/ed him in my life, even if it isn’t as a boyfriend.

A few days later, guess who unblocked me on Facebook so they could send me message on messenger? Yep! You guessed it. Boyfriend 2.

I look at his name on my screen, I’m shaking….this is crazy; I mean I knew it was going to happen. That’s how it works, believe and you will receive.

…but still, you know? Haven’t heard from him in months…he had blocked me; yet here he is, just like I wanted.

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He comes over on January 30th. We were both so nervous. It felt so awkward. Which is weird, considering our history. Why where we nervous?

We sit on the couch, far apart. Nervous. So nervous.

I was so afraid of messing things up with him this time, that well, I messed up. Word vomit style.

Negative doesn’t like positive. Negativity can’t live where positive lives.

He was saying all these negative things. I kept trying to get him to see things on the brightside and I failed. Hard.

The whole time that he was talking. I kept hearing inner thoughts:

This?!? This is what you want?

You can’t be positive with him around.

I kept pushing positiveness on him. I was just trying to help, but he wasn’t having it. He told me to stop being so weird. I totally get it. I used to feel the same way when my preacher Grandpa was always shoving God down my throat. Don’t get me wrong. I love God, but don’t shove him on me. Let me go to Him when I’m ready. Just because my Grandpa wanted me to be ready didn’t mean I was.

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I realized I was doing the same thing with to Boyfriend 2.

He wasn’t ready.

I’m not saying everything has to be constantly happiness and unicorns. Bad things happen, you are allowed to feel your real feelings; don’t fake happy if you aren’t…just shift how much attention you give to the negatives, focus more on the good things.

Before Boyfriend 2 left that night he gave me a hug, and said something along the lines of us being friends.

Exactly as I had written down on my list.

I’m glad he came over. It showed me what I don’t want. I understand the dream now. I was the one he thought was crazy. The dream was God’s way of letting me know it was time to let Boyfriend 2 go.

Thinking positive has made it easier to let things and even people go. The right people will find us at the right time; you have to trust that.

You can’t make room for someone new if you don’t let go of someone from your past.

-laurenmikael

🙂

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6 thoughts on “I’m Positive I Have to Let You Go

  1. This is exactly where I am at the moment, letting go. I don’t know what life holds up I’m thinking positive ahead, living everyday in the moment.

  2. I love your writing style. It is so easy to read and stay engaged. Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m sure most of us can relate to having that “magical thinking” about an ex and then seeing or talking to them again and thinking “what the heck was I thinking?!?” You are 100% right about needing to remove the old in order for something new (and better) to come into your life.

  3. I know you said this was tough for you to write on Twitter, but thank you so much for sharing this! I was in a similar boat a few years ago when I didn’t want to let go of someone. It took me a while, but I’ve realised that I’m a lot happier now and my life is a lot better for it! And yes life still has its up and downs, but it’s easier when you focus on the positive and just keep on going x

    1. I’m glad you liked it. Thank you for sharing that with me, I’m glad to hear things are better for you now…I’m getting there too! 🙂

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